Eureka!

Thank you all for sharing your advise and views on my latest post. All in all you have made me realize one very important thing: My focus in life has changed.

My studies takes up most of my time, but I actually like it. Agility has gone from being what my life was all about to something I might do when I have the time. This is what I have had so much difficulty understanding and copping with. But you know what? It is okay! I've come to realize that I don't care as much for agility as I once did. What I do care about is having fun with my dogs, and I don't have to be trialing to have fun.

Some commented that they hope my opinion of some (luckily fare from all) team members treating their dogs harshly wasn't people's
general opinion of the team. First of all the inappropriate behavior is pretty obvious. Second of all considering all the responses I've gotten, sadly, it seems that more than a few shares my opinion.

Some of you seem to think that the national team is still my dream, but it really isn't and it haven't been so of a while. Let's face it, I'm no longer a twelve year old living by the illusion that the world is pink and fluffy. I have standards and believes. If I were to send a world team tryout application I would be lowering my standards and not staying true to my believes. I'm sorry if you thought a spot on the team was my sole goal with agility - it was merely an overall goal that has kept me focused and pushed me to get better - and without focus things just get blurred. That is why I was playing with the idea of allowing the world team back on my to-do list as I was wondering if my lack of goal or purpose regarding agility could be why I didn't feel like doing agility at all.

As long as the election process stays the same and there aren't any consequences for inappropriate behavior then I'm not going to be a part of it. I won't lower my standard, and that's why I decided the national team wasn't for me.

Lacking focus and goal is actually only a piece of the puzzle. It all comes down to my bad conscious nagging me all the time and me feeling guilty. Balancing school, private life, dogs and competitive agility turned out to be harder than expected. Always feeling guilty and feeling I should be doing something else is frustrating. I'm done feeling guilty. If this means no more trails then that's the way it's going to be. Luckily the dogs don't care about trials, Zap for one would love not going for long car rides every weekend and Poncho has 'his own' A-frame in the garden so I'm sure he will cope just fine in the absence of trials.

What I need is to focus on my studies, my dogs, enjoy life and then once in a while do some agility when I feel the urge to do so. I am actually good at being a vet student and I will be an awesome vet in a couple of years.

I'm well coming the winter break with open arms. Next season I will probably keep trialing, but only on the down low and only run at the trials I enjoy like the one at Slagelse Hundesport. I need a change of scene so I will prioritize DCH trials over DKK. Right now I don't care about trialing. I only care about getting back to basics - having fun with my dogs.

All that matters is that I stay true to my believes.

So this is me - taking a break.